Category: Blog

When Life Gives You Lemons

Posted on by Jenn.LG

But what if you don’t have any sugar? What if you’ve had to make lemonade so, so, so many times that you’ve run out of it? What if you’re tired of always having to add sugar? Just for once, can some sugar come with the lemons?

As I wrote that, I remembered the one time that it did. When you get a rejection for a job that compliments you, that is the epitome of getting lemons with sugar. It encourages you to make lemonade because something will come where you won’t have to.

Maybe I’m forcing myself to receive lemons. Maybe I’m not good enough to receive anything but.

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A friend had a dream telling her good things were coming for me & hubby just to keep going. God sees us.

I hope she’s right. I’m tired of the pucker. A little sugar with the lemons would be reassuring.

Anxious and Everything

Posted on by Jenn.LG

I am trying. I feel
it’s important for everyone to know
that before they judge or
assume or
guess I’m not. IF
they even think that long about me.
I shouldn’t care either way
but I’m not there
yet.
I am trying.

This health thing has me scared and confused
and scared and anxious
and scared and unsure
and scared.
Did I say scared?
I am trying to care more but
why find out a negative when ignorance is bliss and I can be happy
I can be content
I can live with this without wondering and waiting for the bad.
Although I already am.
The doctors scared me away from wanting the whole truth.
The lack of help makes me not want the truth.
I question my strength if I am able to cope with the truth.
My family history scares me away from the truth
but my grandmother’s fate doesn’t have to be mine
science has evolved a lot since her time
and my PCP is encouraging because “new things are always being developed.”
I am trying.

I quit for my health and at first, it was worth it
but now I question my decision.
I have
I did have
a much better mental state and tension headaches stopped
but
now my savings is smaller and my checking is not worth mentioning
and I’ve applied for so SO many jobs that I keep seeing the same ones on repeat now.
It’s hard to keep your head up or any confidence when you keep getting non-responses.
I keep going and trying for us because we have a future planned and
there are so many wants and goals but it feels so impossible though
a blessing called and said God sees you just keep going and focusing on yall and
it will come together, I dreamt it. It helped,
it helps but it’s hard.
I am trying.

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Refocusing on me and growth and self-love and love and self- acceptance and
everything and too much and not enough and
focusing, prioritizing.
It is a slow, patience-necessary process that I wished moved
faster, efficiently, swiftly, smartly, and consumed all of me at once
so I’d be better with me and done with this whole thing.
But slower is better, I see my mental state changing,
although the anxiety is never leaving,

I am trying.

HEYYYYO

Posted on by Jenn.LG

Try and Try Again

Time and time again I have tried to be consistent with blogging or journaling or whichever word you want to use. It always ends with me being consistent for maybe a month at the most, then missing a day, then a couple, then a week behind. Finally, I’ll just stop because it gets to a point where I can’t catch up. But, a lot of changes are happening in my life right now and I think I’m going to try again. Maybe not daily, because like before I’ll start going hard and end up stopping. Maybe just two days a week for now. Maybe three. I don’t know but you gotta start somewhere I guess. Not sure how these are going to look or what they’ll be, but they’ll be something.

I recently resigned from my main job for personal and commute reasons and am looking for a new position and/or more freelance work. I have had more freelance work opportunities this year, including dissertations and fiction novels. I want to get back into more consistently writing creatively. I also want to work on me overall, whatever that entails.

Gaming

Borderlands 3 comes out in less than a month. I have been almost obsessively playing Borderlands 2 to contain my excitement for now. It honestly just makes me more excited about seeing Tiny (now not-so-tiny) Tina in the new game. BL2 has become one of my favorite games this past year, although the first time I played it was a while ago. I preordered so I’ll be picking up my copy on release day.

I’m playing with Maya the Siren in BL2; she was the only female (before the Season Pass added Gaige) so that is initially how I chose to play as her. After the first time playing as her, I chose her again because her abilities are just amazing and I love having the elemental control. In the Pre-Sequel, I play as Nisha because she’s a woman-of-color and a badass gunslinger. Just an all-around great option. Additionally, if you’ve played BL2, she’s the sheriff of Lynchwood. It’s awesome to play as a character who actually becomes a baddie you have to go against (she killed Brick’s dog!) if you decide to go to Lynchwood (which you should) in BL2 even though there are no story missions there (it’s worth it, seriously, the lore and side quests are cool and you’ll get a cool gun from the Sheriff).

For BL3, I’m thinking I’ll do my first playthrough as Amara because she’s a woman of color and a siren. Her powers intrigue me. Eventually, I am also going to do a Fl4k playthrough (pets!) and a Zane (the clone! the defense shield!) but Amara gets priority.

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If you want more Borderlands info, check out their website. Make sure you’re a VIP & SHIFT member if you play BL2 or plan on playing BL3 so you can get free stuff for in-game.

A Little Bit More

My husband and I just got back from our anniversary cruise on Carnival Breeze. This was our second cruise with cruise director Marc Q. This cruise with him was wayyyyyyy better than the first. He was a better CD this time but also we just had better customer service overall this time. I also turned platinum.

One of my fav artists, Jidenna, has a new cd coming out this week: 85 to Africa. If you’ve never heard him, check out his NPR Tiny Desk concert.

Since we’re talking about music, also check out Lizzo’s Tiny Desk concert.

I also have Cyberpunk 2077 and The OuterWorlds preordered.